Warning: This post contains 18+ adult content.
Howdy, Amen here to talk about my third year university experience. Some time ago I started relating each semester of university to a touhou stage. First semester would be stage 1, second would be stage 2, etc. Usually, in touhou, you find a lead to the culprit of an incident at stage 4, before taking on the antagonist and the rest of her faction in stage 5 or 6. This is a very fitting analogy considering I did only introductory physics in my 2nd year (stages 3 and 4), and I’d be diving into the meat of it in my final two years. This third year would comprise of stage 5 and 6, then, and let me tell you, the ending sure was worthy of the title “last boss.”
The year began with a rough start. I applied for a dorm room, but an email managed to go unnoticed (I write in passive form as if I wasn’t responsible for this). This email was asking for a 500$ down payment. So I didn’t get the room. My parents were mad, but I had no worries. My second year had taught me that I had some strange spiritual powers. I named it the 何とかなる超能力 – the “everything will work out” superpower. And, unsurprisingly to me, things worked out. I found a great room to rent that was only a 15 minute walk down the road from the university. The owners of the house were nice, they had two cute pomeranians, and everything was perfect.
Pretty lucky so far, but this year, I had a mission that would test this luck to its full extent. This mission was to become a normie. I’d like to add a reason why, but I can’t really remember. Perhaps it was loneliness. To add some background details for those who haven’t read the Amen Origin Story, the last time I really had friends was when I was in grade 10 of high school. After that year, I was made to move across Canada and couldn’t see them again, and was alone since. Similarly, I had a girlfriend before, but it was an online relationship. It was nice for what it was, but I always wondered what it would be like to go on a physical date and spend time close together with someone you like. “That’s alright, I just haven’t met the right person yet,” I told myself, but over the years, it started to feel worse and worse, until I accepted that I was some sort of unlikeable thing. Either way, I wanted that rose coloured campus life. In order to become a normie, I had to infiltrate their ranks. Luckily, I already had a good idea as to how to accomplish this. In my second year, I heard about app. This app let you make anonymous posts that others in the same area could also see and respond to, and it was popular among university students. This was my main source of information. The most common advice when trying to become a normie is to go to bars or parties. I had no idea when or where to go, but with this app, I was able to acquire the spacetime coordinates of each party. So, one night, I stepped out of the house and went to one, and as soon as I walked through the door, I felt like I was slapped in the face. The smell of booze was so thick, and the temperature was so high, it was like I stepped onto an alien planet. I felt like Buzz Lightyear.
It felt bizarre, but I had come too far to turn back now. I walked into the party house. Some people said hi to me. I said hi back. I found one guy from the floor I lived on last year and said hi to him. He said hi back. I went to the bathroom and wondered “What the hell am I doing here?” I went back out, and the host of the party was like “Hey, welcome, feel free to have a drink” and I obliged. I then just stood around for a minute, not really sure what to do, before leaving. Mission failure. I tried hitting up the bar once too but, similarly, it ended in failure. Becoming a normie is going to be a bit more difficult than I thought.
Meanwhile, this was the first semester beyond basic general physics. I had fluids & thermal physics, computational mechanics, subatomic particles, and on the side, French, and microeconomics.
It’s the first day of class. Standing outside the locked door to the computational mechanics room, waiting for the professor to arrive, I met who would turn out to be my brother in arms for my final two years. We’d chat after every class and often go out for food. I thought he was a normie, as a guitar player with a girlfriend and no obscure interests, but we got along well, and he even ended up changing my picture of what a normie is. Anyway, I was the only third year student, and he was the only second year student at the time. Though we were in different years, we’d end up sharing most of our classes because I was technically a year behind. He was also in fluids & thermal physics, and subatomic particles.
I’ll begin with subatomic physics. This was a pretty easy class that I don’t think had any prerequisites. It went over the history of subatomic physics, with the discovery of each particle, radiation, nuclear power, and basic particle physics. It was rather easy, and at the end, there was no final exam. Sounds great, right? But there was a catch. In place of a final exam, we had a game of jeopardy. And the points represented our marks. Let me say this one more time. We were competing in a game of jeopardy for marks. Let how ridiculous that is sink in. But at the same time, it was very fun. Anyway, there were about 6 people in the class, and we formed two teams of three. My team? The Tauboys (a mix of tauon and cowboy). It was a close call for the most part. Towards the end, we were close to tied with the opposing team, but I boldly chose a high point question. Our team discussed it and settled on an answer, but we were all unsure. Last second before we had to submit our answer, I changed it, and that change turned out to be the right call that shot us into the lead, and we won. Aside from marks, there was a surprise prize for winning. It turned out to be chocolate bar from a store near the large hadron collider. Neat, but I’m just glad to have made it out with an A after that shadow game. Sucks for my opponents though.
Computational mechanics was probably my favourite class throughout my university career. In it, we learned mathematica and how to use it with physics. I had never recognized differential equations before, but in this class, we learned what they were and how to solve them with mathematica. It was here that the power of physics really hit me. Differential equations were what I was searching for this whole time. The ability to take into account variables dependent on other changing variables. We solved problems too difficult to do by hand, and created animations, graphs, all sorts of things. It was a good time.
On the other hand, fluids & thermal physics was not a good time. This was the first time we used integrals in physics as a sum. In math, they taught us about Riemann sums and integration, but it was always in the context of area under a curve. While correct, the term “area” limits your thinking to space. In reality, that “area” can be anything. It’s just glorified multiplication that accounts for non-linear functions. That took a few problems to get used to, but the real pain was the final exam. There were 4 people in the class, including me. 10 questions, 3 hours. I had done good in the course up to this point. I was fairly confident. Sounds alright, right? But man, that exam was difficult, and very long. I don’t remember if I finished it, but if I did, it was only barely. Even so, I thought I did alright. Turns out I got the highest mark in the class as usual, but this time, I had a mark of 57 on the exam. What in tarnation? That was the highest mark? That’s insane. Later on, the professor recognized that the exam was a bit unfair and gave us all a couple bonus marks. It was enough to get me the A, but I was the only one with an A. Phew, close call.
Now, onto the electives. French was a breeze. I had done well in it throughout high school, but then again, high school French was a joke. It was NOT taught well there. On the other hand, the university French classes were taught well. Take it from me. Having learned Japanese to a decent extent, I know what learning a language involves, and this class hit all the right spots, and our professor was actually from France. That class answered questions I had never known the answer to in the 13 years of French classes I had taken. The only negative part of the course was the lab, but that’s just my personal opinion. In it, we had to sit at a computer, open up a program, and speak at the computer as it recorded us. Sometimes we just had to pronounce words, sometimes we had to answer questions. It was fairly standard, but one time, one of my physics professors popped up on the screen! His first language is French, so I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I still was. Anyway, like I said, the class was a breeze. I knew how to learn languages at that point.
Microeconomics was similarly very easy. It dealt with supply and demand and that kind of small scale stuff that business owners would have to deal with. Now, you wouldn’t expect most university students to have experience with that kind of stuff, but I did. Through MMOs. I was very familiar with dealing with free markets. I knew conditions that could affect market prices, and I was even familiar with some macroeconomics, such as inflation, to an extent. The majority of the course was multiple choice, and the most difficult math was a system of two linear equations. For someone doing physics, that was like throwing a dog a tasty bone.
So, soon enough, the semester ended and for the first time, I had gotten all As. Woo. Not only that, but I got an invitation letter to study economics from someone important. I think it was the department head but I don’t remember exactly because I had no interest in studying it, but that was cool. I also got a room in the dorms, and it wasn’t just any regular room. This was a handicap room which was extra big. In the end, not getting a room early actually worked out in my favour. Sadly, I had made little progress in my normie quest. I made a friend, sure, but I wasn’t satisfied yet. After the first party and bar experiences, I hadn’t made any further attempts…
The next semester began, and with it, the winter anime season. This season was no different from the rest of them, but there was one anime I was watching at the time: Kuzu no Honkai, that captured me. No one in that show could be called a good person, but even so, I couldn’t help but admire them, and think “I want to be in a situation like that.” They were going out, making mistakes, and living their youth to its fullest. I decided to give one final burst of effort to become a normie. After many years of solitude, I had forgotten what it felt like to feel many emotions. I was a physics machine. That was my life. That was all I lived for at this point. I had nothing else, and that was fine, but somewhere deep down, I wanted to experience what it felt like to be human. I just wanted to know what human warmth felt like.
Eventually, I tried tinder, cause what else can you do when you don’t have a circle of friends, know no one, and parties don’t work. First of all, getting barely any matches felt horrible. It just validated that nobody thought I looked good, and then when I did get a match, it was so nerve-wracking. There was SO much pressure to say the right thing, because if you didn’t, god knows if anyone else would even give you a chance, and you knew that each girl had a huge line of guys waiting for her, so she could easily unmatch you and not give a shit. So you either say something, they don’t respond, and then you’re just left to wonder “what did I do wrong? What could I have said?” or you do get a conversation going and they stop midway through and you just feel completely uninteresting. You feel like you’re not even worth talking to. My self esteem has since improved and I realize I’m not bad looking by any means, but that’s not enough. It’s a cancerous place, where you have insanely heavy expectations placed upon you. You can’t be yourself. You have to put on a performance for whoever you want to talk to in an attempt to keep them entertained and interested. Otherwise, they’ll just ignore you and move on to the next guy, and there’s always another guy. All this assuming you even get matches. As a male, you’re so easily replaceable, it’s depressing. I try not to think about it, but sometimes you’re forced to face cruel reality. Supply and demand indeed.
But this was my last breath. I couldn’t give up now, or I knew I’d be resigning to a fate of being alone for eternity without even knowing what it feels like to hold hands with someone. It was time to think outside the box. That app I mentioned earlier that I used as my source of party information. I could try making conversations with people on there. At least on an app not meant for dating, girls wouldn’t be looking at you like a literal piece of meat meant to dance for them. Again, I had little luck for the longest time, and it just crushed my hopes even more, but eventually, I did find someone willing to talk to me, and we did. She seemed pretty cool, she thought I was alright, some time passed, we decided to meet up in real life. We did, talked some more, and I asked if she wanted to head back to my place. She said yes, we talked some more, and then, things got lewd. It was my first time, and as easy as I thought sex would be, it wasn’t. Plus, as you’d expect, I was nervous the whole time. It wasn’t exactly the best time, but hey, it could’ve been worse. And it did get worse. Ring ring, her phone sounded. She picked up, and I heard an angry father on the other side demanding to know “Where are you?! What are you doing??!!?” Holy shit. She said she was studying, and hung up. She lied as easily as she breathed. But that really killed what little we had going. Not to mention, I had my bible lying around and she kept glancing at it. What an awkward situation. Not too long after, she went home, and through a bad excuse basically said didn’t want to talk to me anymore. Hahaha. Well, it wasn’t that great, and I felt unclean afterwards, but I got to experience something that most normal people do. My curiousity has been sated.
I still went on the app every now and then though. At one point, not too long after my first experience, I found a girl who was into anime. Whoa, exciting. Someone I share interests with. But when I asked what anime were her favourites, she said “One Piece and Fairy Tail.” A bit basic, but she was still an anime fan. We did have some good conversations nonetheless, and I went over to her place to watch some anime together every now and then. That was pretty cool, and she was pretty cool too. And, eventually, I ended up sleeping over at her place. We didn’t put ponos to vagoo and jam it in, but there was a lot of touching and feeling and hands going places. This went on for a couple weeks, and it was nice, but eventually, she felt like cutting it off. She was nice about it though, saying she had fun, but she didn’t want to go any further until she got a boyfriend. That’s fair. I liked her as a friend, but that was about it, and we’d still hang out every now and then after to watch shows. But it was really nice cuddling and sleeping in the same bed with someone who wanted to be with you. This was the human warmth I had sought. Finally, I was truly satisfied.
Despite being satisfied, I still checked out that app. Again, I found someone to talk to, and we did, but then things got strange. She told me she had an impregnation fetish and begged me to “breed her.” Yes, those are the exact words she said. But she also said that she was on birth control and wouldn’t hold me responsible even if she did get pregnant. This was risky. Should I trust her? I couldn’t lie to myself, I wanted to redeem myself after my first time that went wrong. Not to mention I used a condom that time. This time, it was the real deal. Raw dog, as they say. So, she came over to my place. It was night, so I asked her to be quiet, since my roommate was asleep, and she agreed. Then, we went at it, and this time, things actually went well. But even though she agreed to keep quiet, she was not quiet at all. Like, holy shit. She ended up waking my roommate. In the end, I had decided that I couldn’t trust her and planned to pull out. Now, if you’ve read any ero doujinshi, you might know a famous line: “My hips are moving on their own.” I can confirm that this is a real phenomenon. Perhaps it was her erotic voice telling me to fill her up, perhaps it was because it felt so good, but I really couldn’t stop, and ended up finishing inside her after all. I may have dun goofed, but at that moment, my mind went blank. I couldn’t think. I was completely lost to the pleasure. It took a few second, but I finally came back to my senses. As I pulled out, I felt her squeeze tight around me to get every drop out. “You’re good,” she said. All I could say back was “Thanks.” My brain was still fried. So this is mindbreak. Then, she put on her clothes again and left with my goo still inside her. That was extremely hot, and I felt a deep change within me. It’s the biological imperative of all lifeforms to reproduce, and in doing so, I felt like my life had been completed. It sounds really dumb, but evolution and instincts are strong forces. Luckily, as far as I know, she didn’t get pregnant after all. Within a few months, I went from being a virgin who didn’t know what human warmth felt like, to getting with 3 girls. What the hell happened?
As for classes that winter semester, I had elementary particles and fields, mathematical physics, thermodynamics, modern physics, and ordinary differential equations. ODEs was extremely easy, especially after using them so much in computational mechanics. I completely knew how to use them and how to set them up, so this class was just a matter of how to solve them, which wasn’t bad at all.
Thermodynamics was a continuation of the earlier fluids and thermal physics class. In this class, I met my senpais. The two fourth year students. As for the class itself, I don’t have much to say about it. It was fun learning about statistical mechanics, entropy, the laws of thermodynamics, and all that. No real problems there. The real issues began with mathematical physics.
In this, we learned how to use metric tensor to set up our own curvilinear coordinate systems and do physics in them, we analyzed functions of complex variables leading up to residue calculus, and partial differential equations. The first part was fine, but holy shit residue calculus was something else. I figured out how to do it, but I did not understand what I was doing. I was merely a computer following an algorithm at that point. Even worse, PDEs. You can’t really follow an algorithm with those. Well, you can I guess, but it’s a lot less straightforward. It probably would have been fine if I had an actual PDEs class, but doing it in such a short amount of time was a bit too much. It was here, when I was completely stuck on homework for the first time, that I felt true despair. I had gotten stuck before, but I was able to figure it out eventually, but here, I could not.
Particle physics was going fine in the beginning, until we ended up having to use Feynman calculus to solve scattering and decay problems. It’s not too bad when you take the time to learn it, but again, this stuff came at the very end of the class and we didn’t spend enough time on it for me to get the idea in time before the final exam.
All the other physics classes I took this semester were proper third year classes, but modern physics was a second year class covering introductory quantum mechanics, relativity, and probably other things that I can’t really remember. In comparison to the other classes, it was very simple. At the end, we had to give a presentation with each student presenting a unique topic. Mine was particle physics. These second year students were not ready for my knowledge from the 3rd year particle physics class. I ended up deriving the Dirac equation in it with the goal of confusing as many students as possible. That was fun.
Soon enough, the semester ended, and for the first time I had gotten through a year without anything less than an A in every class (because I didn’t have to take anything like English). I had succeeded in my normie quest, and started to learn real physics. Then it began… the 2017 bizarre summer. I had applied for a summer job doing student research with a professor and got it. It was basically a continuation of the particle physics class, and it was during this summer that I actually understood what the hell we did in that class. In 2nd year physics comrade was also there, and we’d spend every day in the lab doing our own tasks while having a good chat. Then, two girls from a different province who also got student research positions came. Then a first year physics student from our university (for a different reason), and a high school girl. In total, there were 6 of us in the lab. At the end of the day, we’d go to the university’s bar and hang out (those of us who were legal age). That summer, we’d go out on hikes, go to the beach, go shopping together, restaurants, museums, everything. It was the first time I had a group of friends (who I actually liked) in 5 years… It was sad when they left, but nothing I wasn’t used to at this point. It was a summer I’ll never forget.
And that was my 3rd year university experience. What did you all think? It was quite the eventful year, but so was the year after that. Unfortunately, after becoming a temporary normie I could feel my magical power weakening. Next time on the Amen University Experience: “I’ll be your girlfriend, but only for one week,” “I see you accused me of sexism, but that makes you the sexist,” “The Hisoka of Programming.”